Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Half Way Done!

I finished up my 3rd cycle of chemo so now I am done until after surgery on the 30th.
Am I nervous about the upcoming surgery? You bet! But everyone is so supportive and encouraging that I can't help but also be looking ahead to having it over and done so that I can move forward.

My family is the greatest-I hope they all know how much I love them and am so proud of them all.
I don't always remember to say it but I am getting better at that. :)
I am truly blessed. It is incredible to me how much I have been given in my life and I am so thankful each day for all I have.

Now these are my thoughts about ovarian cancer.
There is no cure.
That simple fact lingers unspoken, but some people are unable to hide their thoughts, and you see it in their eyes.
I can say it out loud.
There is however, treatment.
Not as many options as some diseases, but it is out there.
And I have every right to pursue, and avail myself of as much of it as I want or need.

No one has the right to roll their eyes and say "You know it is pointless, now why don't you just accept that and stop wasting all these resources, be a good patient. Call up the nice hospice people, take your roxanol and and move on?"
If you think that there aren't those who think and say that, well think again.
I hate to think that I may have felt that way myself at times, but given what I have seen over my 20 plus years of nursing, it is probably true.
My how we change when the shoe is on the other foot. Eh?

Just a note about Hospice.
That remark was not meant to be derogatory or disparaging.
The work they do is very important but it has nothing to do with actively, and aggressively treating illness.
I think we can pretty much agree on that.

Remember the old statement "If you don't have a recurrence in five years then you have beat it"
That is bullshit.
I think most of the medical community agree on that.

You can achieve remission though.
My pink and teal sisters call it "Dancing with Ned"
No Evidence of Disease.
Sometimes a few months.
Sometimes years.

Some never have a recurrence.
Some never go into remission.
That is just how it is.

I guess what I am trying to convey is pretty much what my beautiful sister Jan said in her letter.
"Not a single one of us is guaranteed Tomorrow."
So I accept this for what it is.
I've had to make some changes and adjustments, but I am the one choosing how to live my life-make no mistake about that!
I hope I didn't upset anyone.
I'm just keeping it real. :)

Now I expect lots of casseroles and prepared dinners when I get home from the hospital.
If you all think I am going to drag my fine behind out of bed to cook for your asses, well think again.
The house rule for all visitors will be "Bring your own food"
Don't be showing up with that pitiful rose you grabbed at the checkout at Cumby's while you were buying your scratch tickets.
Mama wants pulled pork and lasagne!

Also I like foot massages and pedicures. ;)

Have a great week.
Love, Dixie

Be like the bird that, pausing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings. ~Victor Hugo

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